Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
