she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
