soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hippo gnu deer
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
