I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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