You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I AM VODKA MAN
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
