you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
