I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
