I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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