Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
