She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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