just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
