ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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