Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
