I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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