my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
