And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
