Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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