Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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