theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
