when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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