i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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