We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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