Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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