Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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