Whod you bang
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
