The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
