its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
