you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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