I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
