She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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