theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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