well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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