just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You can't just leave with hair like that
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
