You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
