First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I did not marry a roomba.
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