That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
