we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
