So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
