i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
