five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
