here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I enjoy the company of your penis
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
