Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
