That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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