nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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