Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
