woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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