Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When did angry sex become our thing?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
