I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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