just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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