there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
