go do what you do best...puke behind churches
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
