WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
