"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
